Checking In For The End of the World: Surviving The Apocalypse At The Hazelnut Inn
Today is World Zombie Day, so we thought we’d take a look at what the Hazelnut Inn offers in the event of an apocalypse.
The answer depends, naturally, on the type of zombie apocalypse we’re talking about.
Helpfully, this unofficial guide to surviving the end of days is organized by zombie subtype.
The Sprinters: A “Don’t-Skip-Leg-Day" Apocalypse
Your Suite: The Copper Crown
If the dead are running 100-meter dashes, high walls are your best friend.
The Copper Crown Suite is built as a medieval-style fortress, complete with a tower bedroom, a moat, and a secret passageway leading to a hidden library.
With this particular apocalypse, the plan is fairly simple: get to the tower, keep an eye on what’s happening outside, and enjoy the benefits of being above ground level. And if the moat doesn’t do the trick, there is always the secret passageway.
The Shambling Hordes: A Lazy Sunday Apocalypse
Your Suite: The Under Hill
If the dead are moving slowly, staying out of sight becomes the main objective.
The Under Hill Suite is built directly into a hillside and has a private, high-walled courtyard. From above, much of the suite is concealed by the hill, making it easy to stay out of sight.
Survival Tip: Keep the blackout curtains drawn. A glowing hearth is great for morale, but terrible for operational security.
The Fungus: A Spore-tacular Apocalypse
Your Suite: The North Star
For a mushroom-monster apocalypse, unwanted noise becomes the problem.
The North Star Suite has a private garden with multiple waterfalls. The constant sound of rushing water provides a natural background noise, which could help mask any small sounds you might make.
Including, perhaps, the opening of a bag of chips.
Your Final Reservation
Also, the Hazelnut Inn doesn’t have a front desk, so there won’t be much of a check-in process. No front desk. No line. And, in this entirely hypothetical scenario, no zombie bellhop.
